i WAS readin !!

I dont know how many mails i had send you, Yesterday i was thinking in our short life time how many words i had told you, how many different subjects we talked about, how many times we were in pain, and how many moments we were really happy.

past 4 days i was reading reading reading.. almost the whole time i was awake and then i eat and slept.. My mind my thought , everything changed ... I feel like exhausted . I feels like i am not the person who I know... I feels like i am different...

The pain had leaft me and it is like a strange feeling with out that pain, it was there with me for past 6 or so months and when it suddenly went away, i feel like being alone again, now i know that that pain was so dear to me. i was enjoying that pain..

The people around me are different, everything seems different...I know nothing changed except my Mind... One night i sat out side and looked at the rain.. for hours... i was just sitting there .. looking at each drops... its just a tiny drop but its so beautiful. i saw your face... i saw those teardrops... coming out of your eyes.. its so beautiful..

Why does people cry.. people cry always... for different reason... You are the one who cried a lot.. with me... do you still cry.... ?...

I sometimes misses those tears.. your smile...

Now i am reading a Book called " atonement " by Ian McEwan. its a beautiful story of two lovers... the girl from a big family and the boy the son of this girls servant. and they actually hated each other because of their love towards each other... but then he sends a letter to her through her sister ( he had written two letters.. one an erotic one he writes for fun and one the descent one ) but he unknowingly gives the erotic version to the girls sister to be given to this girl and this girls sister secretly reads it and thinks he is a sex maniac.. but this girl even though reads the erotic version falls in Love with this boy......

but then some thing happens and this boy is send to jail.. and when police arrests him this girl goes to him and tell him to come back to her.. she will be waiting for HIm......

i am yet to read the rest.. but i know.. that they will never be together and both of them dies in two separate accidents.. it was only few weeks they were together.. but they always loved each other for rest of their lives..

it is one of the most beautiful Love stories i have read..

Millions of people have loved in this world... from the very beginning there was love.. think about it.. all of us had many no of " affairs " Physically, mentally ... and each one of us have this feeling of loving someone else or being in love with some one else and then there is this upside way of loving, gays and lesbians.. and then there are people who has " affairs " with Animals.. this Human beings are Funny...

Then there are People who goes out of all this Crap and decides to Love them selves... and we call them realized Souls... and for that they do all the funny stuffs like Standing on head go into caves, eat roots and leaves , chanting mantra.. ! millions times... and few of them remains the same, remains at the place where they started all these,..

but the most Interesting this i had ever heard was from a girl in the story " my summer of Love "
there is this two characters

Tamsin: "So what are you gonna do with your life?"
Mona: "I'm gonna be a lawyer...I'm gonna get a job in an abattoir, work really hard, get a boyfriend who's like — a bastard, and churn out all these kids right, with mental problems and then...I'm gonna wait for menopause,...or cancer."

and that is where we reach reality.. she fantasies about the reality..

and that statement is down to earth, near the real life....