Down the memory Lane !!

i was 1.5 years OLD.




My Only Nude Picture.. :-)



started loving vehicles Long back....



about to cry ?? and i still cry sometimes...



with my cousin brother..



1985 it was a good picture but i faded the other members of my family.. Photoshopped




1992. my friend Viju



1995




Somewhere in some forest searching for Birds...



1996 i wanted to become a spiritual guy.. at least in dress


1998 after Office hours ??





1998 - 99








1999. my self and one of my friend went to a place called thiruchendur ( some 200 Km from my home ) in this Motorbike. that bike was my companion for many years.. its still there in my house.. i ve traveled to many places alone in it. it was always fun to travel alone. now a days i dont do it.



2001..



2001. I used to stay in forests. once in a while this is a place called chendurny... in Kerala, we stayed in the forest for 4 days..



the same place..




2005 trying to play organ


2006 with my friend viknesh

:: click on the images to open it in the original size

i am Inspired

It was nice talking to you. Do you know one thing, you always Inspires me to do good things...

I have become really calm because i let go all the confusions and the pain i Had in my heart for such a long time, its like waking up from a bad dream.

I read few books recently, " i am not scared " by Niccolò Ammaniti and " Into the Wild " by Jon Krakauer and " this Very body the Buddha " by Osho

I Liked " Into the wild "a Lot its a real life story of Christopher Johnson McCandless ( Christopher Johnson McCandless (12 February 1968 – 18 August 1992) was an American wanderer who died near Denali National Park after hiking alone into the Alaskan wilderness with little food or equipment. )

He ran away from Home to Live in the Wild, ( that is exactly what i want to do ) and on the way he meets many interesting people.. its a beautiful story...

and in the end in the wild he changes his views about this world,

"Death's a fierce meadowlark but to die having made Something more equal to centuries Than muscle and bone, is mostly to shed weakness. The mountains are dead stone, the people Admire or hate their stature, their insolent quietness, The mountains are not softened or troubled And a few dead men's thoughts have the same temper."

he writes
"I HAVE HAD A HAPPY LIFE AND THANK THE LORD. GOODBYE AND MAY GOD BLESS ALL!"

and he dies peacefully...

after reading it... I am inspired too... to go to the wilderness. feels like that is my Home, that is where i should die..... starving to death.... in the Lap of mother earth.. in the wild,,,

but I dont have that courage.. I am too old to think about dying.. I am too old to hike.......

You were always a wonderful friend. and you will remain one, I know we will never ever meet again, look at each others Eyes......or talk or make paintings or travel.
I dont want to Cling to the past and the memory and the Nostalgia of it. that is sacrilegious, that is insulting to Love, the Lover is good , but the lover is good because of Love. You need not sacrifice Love for the Lover, Lovers come and go, Love remains. ( its from Osho )

You have shown me that Love is far More beautiful because it disappears...
I am Impressed. and i am Inspired..

i WAS readin !!

I dont know how many mails i had send you, Yesterday i was thinking in our short life time how many words i had told you, how many different subjects we talked about, how many times we were in pain, and how many moments we were really happy.

past 4 days i was reading reading reading.. almost the whole time i was awake and then i eat and slept.. My mind my thought , everything changed ... I feel like exhausted . I feels like i am not the person who I know... I feels like i am different...

The pain had leaft me and it is like a strange feeling with out that pain, it was there with me for past 6 or so months and when it suddenly went away, i feel like being alone again, now i know that that pain was so dear to me. i was enjoying that pain..

The people around me are different, everything seems different...I know nothing changed except my Mind... One night i sat out side and looked at the rain.. for hours... i was just sitting there .. looking at each drops... its just a tiny drop but its so beautiful. i saw your face... i saw those teardrops... coming out of your eyes.. its so beautiful..

Why does people cry.. people cry always... for different reason... You are the one who cried a lot.. with me... do you still cry.... ?...

I sometimes misses those tears.. your smile...

Now i am reading a Book called " atonement " by Ian McEwan. its a beautiful story of two lovers... the girl from a big family and the boy the son of this girls servant. and they actually hated each other because of their love towards each other... but then he sends a letter to her through her sister ( he had written two letters.. one an erotic one he writes for fun and one the descent one ) but he unknowingly gives the erotic version to the girls sister to be given to this girl and this girls sister secretly reads it and thinks he is a sex maniac.. but this girl even though reads the erotic version falls in Love with this boy......

but then some thing happens and this boy is send to jail.. and when police arrests him this girl goes to him and tell him to come back to her.. she will be waiting for HIm......

i am yet to read the rest.. but i know.. that they will never be together and both of them dies in two separate accidents.. it was only few weeks they were together.. but they always loved each other for rest of their lives..

it is one of the most beautiful Love stories i have read..

Millions of people have loved in this world... from the very beginning there was love.. think about it.. all of us had many no of " affairs " Physically, mentally ... and each one of us have this feeling of loving someone else or being in love with some one else and then there is this upside way of loving, gays and lesbians.. and then there are people who has " affairs " with Animals.. this Human beings are Funny...

Then there are People who goes out of all this Crap and decides to Love them selves... and we call them realized Souls... and for that they do all the funny stuffs like Standing on head go into caves, eat roots and leaves , chanting mantra.. ! millions times... and few of them remains the same, remains at the place where they started all these,..

but the most Interesting this i had ever heard was from a girl in the story " my summer of Love "
there is this two characters

Tamsin: "So what are you gonna do with your life?"
Mona: "I'm gonna be a lawyer...I'm gonna get a job in an abattoir, work really hard, get a boyfriend who's like — a bastard, and churn out all these kids right, with mental problems and then...I'm gonna wait for menopause,...or cancer."

and that is where we reach reality.. she fantasies about the reality..

and that statement is down to earth, near the real life....

Boats and Sea

bring in the light

If the room is dark, the constant feeling and repeating of darkness will not take it away, but bring in the light. Let us know that all that is negative, all that is destructive, all that is mere criticism, is bound to pass away; it is the positive, the affirmative, the constructive, that is immortal, that will remain for ever. Let us say, " We are" and "God is", and "We are God","Shivoham Shivoham", and march on. Not matter, but spirit. All that has name and form is subject to that has none. This is the eternal truth the shrutis preach. Bring in the light; the darkness will vanish of itself. Let the lion of vedanta roar; the foxes will fly to their holes. Throw the ideas broadcast, and let the result take care of itself. Let us put the chemicals together; the crystallisation will take its own course. Bring forth the power of the spirit, and pour it over the length and breadth of India, all that is necessary will come by itself.
Manifest the divinity within you, and everything will be harmoniously arranged around it. Remember the illustration of Indira and Virochana in the vedas; both were taught their divinity. But the Asura, Virochana, took his body for his God. Indira being a Deva, understood that the Atman was present. You are the children of Indra. You are the descendants of the Devas. Matter can never be your God; body can never be your God.

- This is a passage from Vivekananda's Lecture by Charles Goodwin(author).